Glitterbye

Girly cycles TMI post below, click at your own risk:

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Lost 13lbs so far. Need to lose 9 more by July 1st to reach my goal. Have to take a break for a week though…stupid hormones. I will pick up next week!

Last week of the two classes I am taking then one more and I will have a shiny new associates and and extra 20 credits towards a bachelors.

Via reshapethenation.com
9lbs lost so far

I have been feeling exhausted and lame and lonely lately. I just need to finish out the last 3 UOP classes, get my associates and lay low for a while. My house is a mess as is my brain.

Some cute pics of wyatt to distract you from my tiny post.

I finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin today…A…MA…ZING.

The story was touching and heartwrenching and truely stood out in it’s time…and written by a woman no less! Seeing these things written in the 1800′s by women just make me feel empowered. These women were strong and independant and had sass…I commend them!

On another note, I took my half ambien last night and laid down at 10pm….after just laying there for hours I finally got up at about 1am and took the other half. About 30 minutes later I fell asleep. So I am a little tired today. Instead of coffee I went for a lavender tea, which was delicious.!

And so starts Day one of my “trying to break addictions” phase. I only took half an ambien last night..which of course afforded me only an hour or two of sleep. Then this morning I had ONE cup of coffee with ONE instant packet. Usually my coffees consist of 3 instant packets…and I have a couple of these a day. I feel a little run down but ok.

I have been on ambien for 4 years now. Just suddenly one day 4 years ago I lost the ability to fall asleep. I could be exhausted and barely functional but my brain refused to switch from exhausted twilight stage to actual sleep. After about a week of not sleeping I begged the dr for something and he gave me a prescription for ambien. One time when I wanted to stop taking it I just went without for a night…boy was THAT a mistake. I was awake all night then the next day I was SO irritable and out of it. I felt like every sound was a vibration…in short, I was going crazy. I cried myself to sleep at like 2pm and slept for hours. I was equally disoriented and angry when I woke up. That night I took my ambien and decided perhaps dosing down was best. I did that and got down to ¼ but something happened and I went back up. So now here I am trying again. Part of me feels it might be a bit pointless as I’m pretty sure whatever it was that initially caused my chemicals to be wacked probably has not bettered itself and that needs to be solved first, but even half is better.

The coffee addiction is a recent thing, it started when my ex got me a fancy new coffee maker and some beans in November and I was grinding my own super strong cups of coffee then downing 4 cups. 4 cups of my homemade coffee is =8 cups regular coffee. So this habit should be easy to break, I will drink more tea and maybe mix a decaf with my regular to have the stronger taste I like but with less caffeine.

Still have 2.5 hours left of work, lets hope I can make it!

So last night I thought it would be a brilliant idea to change my alarm from 6:30 to 5:30. Give me time to get up..make coffee, shower and eff

Sure he looks innocent now..

around online right? Well sure as shit my alarm goes off this morning and I blearily reach for it and wonder WHY the hell I am

dead tired. Brain…half…functioning…after a few minutes it clicked that it was 5:30. I reset the alarm for 6:30 and crashed…so much for my

brilliant plan. Only…instead of ACTUALLY crashing I tossed and turned and fended off Kol who

wanted nothing more than to rouse me with kitty head butts.

So finally my alarm goes off again at 6:30 and I lay there until 6:45 (when i have to be showered and out the door by 7, mind you). So then I am rushing. Shower, hair, makeup..no time to let the dog out or feed the animals…will have to wait until lunch at 10:30. Get to work all run down, boss is cold…coffee, two hardboiled eggs and a cheese slice…yay! At this point I pop a headphone in and listen to NPR streaming on XM. Work work work…screw up…spend 30 minutes fixing said screw up. Mention boss’s coldness with no response. Work work work. 10 minute break….tuna and crackers…work work work. Lunchtime…rush home and throw some pasta in the micro. Let it cook, fire up the computer…let the dog up while waiting for both and feed dog and cats. Grab food, plop at computer…check social sites while nomming pasta….then have another bowl of pasta.

I think I'm in love!

Run out the door back to work.

By noon I am dragging again. I mention to a co-worker I wish I had gotten Starbucks and as if by magic…he shows up with a quad expresso. I down 1/3 the expresso and start sweating from caffeine overload (which I am used to at this point). So I am awake, but fanning myself like a smoking old housewife in the summer.

Turn on my “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” Audio book on my iphone (60% done yeah!) and start to immerse myself in a stupor of computer screen and slaves and a little blonde girl. work work work. 2pm…10 minute break. I have cheese and almonds. At this point I think it witty to bring said coffee co-worker some almonds and cheese (as this has somehow become code for “boobs”…long story). I bring them to him and silently drop them in his hand. He responds “cheese and almonds! How did you know this was my favorite!?” I smile and wander away…pleased with our little inside joke.

Back into the office..work work work. I get to a heartwrenching part in my audiobook and I am tearing up..intent on listening as I plug away mindlessly on the computer. THIS is the time my boss decides to be chatty. “So this black cat showed up to my house…” *pause audio book and chat about said cat*….silence after the story *turn back on audiobook*….yeah and we are looking at cars today…*pause audiobook, talk about cars until said subject seem sufficiently spoken about*….silence….silence…silence *turn on audio…..”yeah and i’m leaving at 3pm…to go look at cars”…

At this point it’s about 2:15 so I decide it best to just stop listening to the book for a while as she is leaving in 45 minutes anyways….a silent 45 minutes later she finally packs up and leaves. *headphones back on* But by now the moment has passed.

Nows here where I should add a cliffnote. I have been wandering aimlessly in the world of “WTF RELIGION”land. I don’t know what I believe or who i believe in. So I am “studying” different things. First it was paganism. I took free classes on crystals, tree of life, herbology, wicca, tarot etc etc. Last Sunday I went to church, just to try it out. I felt out of place but decided I will give it a go on easter sunday as well.

So back to my story. The next audiobook I decide to try is The Bible. So I click it on and listen…lots of old english and this person begat this person and like 987 years and this person be…well you get the picture. I emailed my coffee coworkerfriend (him being of the religious sort) and told him I was reading the bible. Now he knows I have been “wandering”…so he asks me WHY I am reading it and what my intentions were and I can’t just read it, but that it involves practice as well. This…pissed…me…off. Regardless of free coffee and boob almonds, he was suddenly on my shit list. I fired back a heated letter “informing” him I was studying different religions and who was he to tell people how to believe. Well him seeing the error in how he worded it and knowing I tend to favor fits of passions…he backed off. My mind was all angry and seething…so I didn’t really retain the book after that.

om nom nom nom

Yes Please.

Finally…time to go home. Stopped by the grocery store while hunting on my iphone for something that lookedgood for dinner (I found 3 other things that looked good at the store ). I decided to go with Cherry chicken lettuce wraps. Lots of cutting and dirty dishes but SO GOOD.

Yeah so cleanup sucked but kitchen is clean and now I am tired of typing. Time to take ambien and veg. Night!